Have you heard the story of the man, his son and their donkey? We all grew up hearing some version of it. Basically no matter what the father-son duo did, someone had criticism to offer. Isn’t that the story of our lives? No matter what we do, there are always people who’ll pass judgement. And if you like being judged (ha ha) being a mother is the best role you could take on. EVERYONE has an opinion on how children should be raised. And I don’t want to cast the first stone, since I’m guilty of the same, but at least I have the decency to respect their decisions and not harp about their (supposed) failures in their face.
Ok rant done. Over to the point.
When I was trying to have Adi, so many people had opinions and the most obnoxious one was – are you going to let hired help raise your kid!!!!
You are damned well right I am!
Being a single mom doesn’t give me another option. And even if I wasn’t a single mom – I would still have hired help to make my life easier. How doing everything for my kid makes me a better mother I will never know.
Having a child is not about becoming their 24×7 shadow. It’s about teaching them the difference between black, white, and shades of grey. It’s teaching them respect and discipline. It’s having fun with them and letting them be their own people. I would not be good mom based on how many diapers I changed or how many clothes I washed – I would be a good mom if my son grew up to be a decent human being.
So to all those judging me on letting my help take care of my son. I say Bullshit!
I know so many people who are raising their kids THEMSELVES to be a bunch of morons. Raising a child well is not running behind them with a plate of food the whole day, it is to make sure that your child knows when is mealtime and sits down to finish it.
Me and my sister grew up as lock and key kids. Our single mother did not have the luxury of a house help. So she wore herself thin caring for us, and working 2 jobs to make sure we had a good life. And that didn’t leave her enough time to live!
I’m not going to stop being me, just because I am a mom too. It’s not an all consuming obsession. I love to spend all my time with Adi – but I also realize I need a life outside of the mom sphere. I need to go meet friends, watch an occasional movie, or just go for a drive. And let’s not even talk about the time I need to spend to work. I need the time out so that the time I spend with Adi is not the irritated me, but the happy me.
I have some lovely examples, friends of mine who’ve found that perfect balance. And they have a similar story – being guilted in to spending more time with their kids by people who can’t keep their mouths shut.
- Wow, you left your kid at home to come to this party?
- You travel a lot – isn’t your baby still too small?
- You are going back to work? But what about the baby?
- Bottle feeding already!
- Why are you sending such a small kid to the creche?
And they’ve found the strength to reject the guilt and move on. They are brilliant women and great mothers. And that’s who I want to be.
Finally, there is no getting away from judgmental people. To save your sanity – just shut them out.
A Piece of Him 